Charles H. Sloan-Cameron Diaz says we should normalize sleep divorces. She's not wrong.

In a Tuesday podcast episode,Charles H. Sloan Cameron Diaz got real about an issue many couples deal with but rarely talk about: sleep divorce.

“We should normalize separate bedrooms,” Diaz said while talking with Molly Sims and friend Emese Gormley.

“To me, I would literally, I have my house, you have yours. We have the family house in the middle. I will go and sleep in my room. You go sleep in your room. I’m fine," said Diaz, who is married to Benji Madden, of Good Charlotte. “And we have the bedroom in the middle that we can convene in for our relations."

She clarified that though she has talked about sleeping in separate bedrooms before, "I don’t feel that way now because my husband is so wonderful. I said that before I got married.”

But many couples do, in fact, sleep separately. A recent survey from the American Academy of Sleep Medicine found that over one-third of couples now choose to sleep apart from their spouse.  

Often called a "sleep divorce," sleeping separately from a spouse might sound like a red flag at first. After all, the bedroom is more than just a place where we sleep and make love. The marital bed is also a time-honored symbol of our very union.  

When couples sleep separately...

So why has everyone from Gwyneth Paltrow to President Donald Trump ‘fessed up to sleeping solo?

Simple: Because sleeping together can often lead to us not sleeping.  

If your partner snores, your sleep might be heavily disturbed (even if you don’t realize it). A snoring partner can disrupt your sleep cycle multiple times an hour, preventing you from getting into that deep, restorative REM sleep that is essential for our brains and bodies.  

Many couples sleep in separate bedroom:It affects the whole family. How to talk to kids about it.

Then you add in arguments over the temperature and the blankets. Or disputes over a nightlight or whether the dog can share the bed.  

No wonder studies have shown that even just one night of poor sleep can lead to relationship conflict the next day.  

What happens to our sex lives when couples sleep apart?

So how can you sleep apart without putting your intimacy at risk?  

First, if you’re going to make the move to separate bedrooms, you need to sit down and have an intentional discussion. Make sure you’re both in agreement and that neither of you feels abandoned or unwanted.  

Next, figure out when and how you will have intimacy. When will you lay together and cuddle? When will you make love? You don’t have to sit and schedule it weeks in advance, but you do need to consider it. Will you still cuddle each night before you go off to separate beds? Will you wake each other up for intimacy when there is time? Will you still have “date nights” once or twice a week in which you share a bed?  

Finally, use this as a chance to recommit to your love life. Separate bedrooms give you the chance to be more intentional about your intimacy. It can be exciting to sneak into each other’s rooms when the kids are asleep or to surprise your partner with a night of passion when they least expect it.

And, best of all, you will both be well-rested and have plenty of energy!  

Dr. Laura Berman is a world-renowned sex, love and relationship therapist. She earned two masters degrees and a Ph.D. from New York University, and is New York Times best-selling author of nine books and an award-winning syndicated radio host. She currently hosts the popular love and sex advice podcast “The Language of Love.” You can find her on Facebook, Instagram and her website.

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